28 August 2k2
ugh . . .
another restless night of tossing and turning . . .
i feel terrible . . .
i am taking a deep sigh, and moving on . . .
i would've written sooner, but i got side-tracked by the message boards . . .
**FYI . . . this is a continuation of yesterday's entry . . .
i left it down here if you wanna start there . . .***
so, everybody tells me that my life will never be the same again . . .
that i won't be able to enjoy the comforts and freedoms i have right now . . .
that i won't get any sleep . . .
(like i get all that much now anyway) . . .
all this is happening, because i'm having a baby boy . . .
i guess, i'm supposed to be saddened by this change . . .
i mean, nobody likes change, right? . . .
and those changes don't sound like too much fun . . .
but, instead of feeling saddened, i'm overwhelmed by excitement and anticipation . . .
why? because i know that my life will definitely change, but for the better . . .
there will be so many more good things . . .
and blessings that will be had because i have a son . . .
so . . .
back to the correlation i drew yesterday . . .
do i look forward to the rapture with the same anticipation and excitement . . .
unfortunately no, but i'm learning to . . .
i'm not saying that we should all be spending sleepless nights because we are so anxious . . .
that's just not healthy . . .
we need to be excited in a constructive way . . .
so what's the issue . . .
see, i've always had this idea about the rapture . . .
i think most of us do . . .
(of those that think about it) . . .
anyway, i've always had this silly notion that if the rapture came in my lifetime . . .
i would somehow be getting gypped . . .
you know, i have goals in life, things i would like to attain . . .
like, getting married, having a child, these are goals i have or am attaining . . .
but i had this silly notion that if i didn't get to accomplish or achieve these and other statuses . . .
then God would be robbing me of joy and hapiness . . .
duh, Heaven is all about joy and happiness . . .
to a much greater extent than i will ever know here on earth . . .
to a much greater extent than i am capable of fully comprehending here on earth . . .
and it will last forever . . .
so then, my challange is to be ready . . .
my wife and i got the nursery together . . .
got the car seat installed . . .
got clothes, diapers etc . . .
now . . .
what is it that i need to do, to be ready . . .
27 August 2k2
so .. .
we're having a baby . . .
(my wife and i) . . .
and he can come at any time now . . .
soon . . .
but who knows when . . .
the last nine months have been quite a process . . .
(please note that my wife has done most of the work and has undergone most of the changes) . . .
we've gone through the nausea stage . . .
gotten over the growing . . .
marvelled at the miracle inside . . .
and we've gotten a lot of advice . . .
heard a lot of "overused phrases" **i'm drawing a blank on this word** . . .
stuff like, "enjoy your sleep now" . . .
"your life will never be the same" . . .
"there goes your freedom" . . .
"no more dates for you guys" . . .
**cliches!! - that's the word, so much for writing with style**
anyway, you get the idea of the kinds of things we're told daily . . .
but, for the most part we've been doing just fine fielding the questions . . .
taking the pregnancy in stride as it progressed . . .
being patient and knowing that he'll come in his time . . .
now, having reached this final month . . .
hearing each doctor visit . . .
"any time now" . . .
"you're doing fine" . . .
"he's just about ready" . . .
i'll have to admit we've been getting a bit antsy . . .
we're ready . . .
each night the thought trickles into our minds (at least my mind) . . .
"maybe tonight" . . .
"maybe tonight, i'll meet my son, face to face" . . .
it's surprisingly difficult to know that something is going to happen . . .
but not to know exactly when, or even what day . . .
so . . .
being a writer . . .
(as i sometimes call myself) . . .
i'm always looking for something more . . .
i look for the meaning behind the events in my life . . .
see, i believe that everything . . .
everything in life serves a purpose . . .
God speaks to us each day, if we listen . . .
so, i've been getting little ideas about what's been going on the last nine months . . .
looking for the big illustration . . .
and it hit me . . .
"any time now", "soon" . . .
ringing any bells? . . .
anybody . . .
anything else significant that is going to happen that we don't exactly know the date of? . . .
oh, yeah, Christ is coming back . . .
i thought i knew what i was going to say . . .
but just reading that . . .
it's taking away my train of thought . . .
you know, He is coming "soon" . . .
and i can't help but wonder . . .
am i ready each night . . .
do i think, "maybe tonight . . . i'll meet God's son face to face" . . .
when i do think that, am i as excited as i am at the thought of seeing my son . . .
** i'm gonna have to continue later **
25 August 2k2
so .. .
we had a guest pastor today. . .
and i've heard him before and left unimpressed . . .
i mean, the last time he spoke . . .
he spent the entire time drawing a conclusion that was a contradiction to the rest of his message . . .
anyway . . .
without getting into the message today . . .
(it was about the day of atonement and was fraught with poor correlations . . .
but i said i wasn't going to get into it . . .)
what i will comment on, is a statement he made early on in his message . . .
and it was that there are no contemporary writings that match the depths of the classics . . .
for this reason, he was committed to the re-preaching of the classic sermons of Spurgeon and his contemporaries . . .
and the re-distribution of classic works of critical theological thinking . . .
this idea bothers me on many levels, not the least of which . . .
i sometimes call myself a writer . . .
my thoughts are as follows:
it's not that there aren't any "new" works that have depth . . .
just that there are so many works out being published that lack depth . . .
the solution, if it were so that there are no modern writings with depth . . .
isn't necessarily reusing classics . . .
but writing works with depth . . .
if that is beyond you, then you have no right to complain. . .
there is also, besides a wide selection of modern writings with depth . . .
a wealth of depth an insight in the lyrics of songs out there . . .
20 August 2k2
grrr . . .
i could not get to sleep last night . . .
the writer in me was fighting with the tired in me and neither would relent . . .
so now we are both irritated and angry at each other . . .
19 August 2k2
well, i'm back and i feel a bit refreshed actually . . .
despite the 16 hours i spent on the road this weekend . . .
now, if only i could stop yawning . . .
i'm currently working on a debate with myself over the Children in Heaven topic . . .
hopefully that will be done sometime soon . . .
i've also come to realize that if i want TRu-dAT to work . . .
i need to get on a schedule . . .
and stick to it . . .
so i'll look into that . . .
and yes, the record labels are largely ignoring me . . .
i am working on that as well . . .
15 August 2k2
i can't even seem to complete a thought . . .
well, briefly, i'm in a slump . . .
i currently lack focus, desire, and drive . . .
i will be away for the weekend . . .
hopefully i will come back refreshed . . .
14 August 2k2
status on Exterior Homes: no progress . . .
in fact, i haven't even looked at it since Sunday . . .
in fact i haven't done much outside of work since Sunday . . .
11 August 2k2
well, i let another day get by . . .
i did do some work on the Exterior Homes website . . .
(my true experiment in PHP) . . .
but, though i had hoped i would be able to announce it's completion today . . .
i ran into some puzzling bug and then got more interested in Suberbowl XXXIII . . .
(i have it on tape) . . .
and i have this notion that i'll figure out what the heck is going on with mySQL some other time . . .
also, i've been mulling over the debate of children and whether or not they will go to heaven by default . . .
if they die before a certain age . . .
i'll get to that when it's not past my bedtime . . .
10 August 2k2
ahh august . . .
the lazy days of summer are taking their toll on me . . .
i am officially in the doldrums . . .
i was thinking about Hart's War again and i finally got it . . .
i wasn't quite sure what to make of it and then it hit me . . .
it shows a great example of submission . . .
both the misinterpretation of submission . . .
and then pure submission . . .
i won't ruin it for you . . .
if you haven't seen it yet . . .
and plan to . . .
there is a bit of language and violence in it as it is a war-time film . . .
ok, that's it for now . . .
7 August 2k2
wow, that was long the other day . . .
and i didn't even get into everything that was going through my head . . .
here's a bit more . . .
my pastor was saying how difficult it is these days to talk about wives submitting to their husbands . . .
tell me about it . . .
i wrote that into our wedding vows . . .
and caught heat for it . . .
not from my wife, mind you . . .
you can guess how it went . . .
dirty looks from some . . .
the guys all congratulating me . . .
the girls all telling my wife, 'good luck' . . .
yeah, it's a tough topic . . .
but here's what's often missed . . .
when Paul wrote it, it was a tough topic to talk about . . .
and he sent it to probably the toughest audience . . .
'what?' you say, 'that was way back in the old days. That wasn't controversial back then' . . .
Paul sent this letter to the church of Ephesus . . .
Ephesus was famous mainly for a beautiful temple constructed in the honor of Artemis . . .
Artemis, sure, was the goddess of fertility . . .
but also Artemis was the goddess of the hunt and the protector of young women . . .
this was the first temple in honor of Artemis and was said to be constructed by the queen of teh Amazons . . .
surely you've heard of the Amazons . . .
without going into great detail, the Amazons were a tribe of women who took great pains to be as strong as men . . .
the idea was equality . . .
the effort was independence . . .
the statement was "women don't need men" . . .
and you thought feminism started in the 60's . . .
so then here comes Paul with a message from the Holy Spirit . . .
"wives submit to your husbands" . . .
hmmm, bet it didn't go over that well . . .
anyway . . .
other notes about day to day . . .
work has been picking up . . .
and i am slowly getting addicted to a game called spider solitaire . . .
5 August 2k2
so, i'm feeling a bit better . . .
and i was able to figure some cool stuff out at work, today. . .
but most of all i've been marinating on yesterday's message . . .
the pastor breached the subject of Eph. 5:22 . . .
very controversial topic . . .
"Wives submit yourselves to your husbands . . ."
yeah, not many people like to hear that . . .
in fact i had to change a "submit" button on a web form for that very reason . . .
it brought about "uncomfortable images of a woman submitting to a man" . . .
i say, get a grip, all of ya'll . . .
it's uncomfortable because you don't understand it . . .
you've misinterpreted it . . .
so peep this . . .
(i'm waiving my right to dance around the issue) . . .
submission doesn't mean inferiority . . .
did you catch that?
let me try again . . .
submission doesn't mean inferiority . . .
my pastor gave a great example of how the Trinity (Father, Son, and Spirit) . . .
each have the same level of authority . . .
and yet, Jesus submitted to the will of God the Father . . .
let me take that even a step further . . .
Jesus washed His disciples' feet . . .
He submitted Himself to His followers . . .
now, there's no one with half a clue that will try to argue that Jesus was lesser than His disciples . . .
still not enough support? . . .
how about Jesus' talks about the last being the first . . .
how, if anyone wants to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven must make themselves a servant . . .
or how about the verse right in front of Eph. 5:22 . . .
"submit to one another in the fear of God" . . .
wait, we're all supposed to submit to each other . . .
is this a surprise?
yeah, i can see that . . .
coming to and from work every morning i have the "privilege" of watching aggressive driving . . .
we've all seen examples of it . . .
i'd venture to say we've all done our share . . .
weaving in and out, cutting people off, pushing the limit, hoping there's no patrol cars ahead . . .
because we're running late, angry, or just selfish . . .
anyway . . .
the other day in particular i watched this guy cutting people off. . .
accelerating, braking, accelerating . . .
causing near-misses and rolling the die . . .
then i passed him as he waited for a green turn-arrow . . .
end result. . .
the white knuckled driving did him no good. . .
(it usually doesn't no matter what we tell ourselves) . . .
anyway, that's not the point right now . . .
i started thinking to myself . . .
what if everyone drove like this? . . .
selfishly out to get one extra car length ahead . . .
willing to risk safety and wallet to shave 15 seconds off your drive time. . .
(it's really not difficult to imagine in this neck of the woods) . . .
let me tell you what would happen . . .
drive times would increase . . .
it would take longer to get anywhere . . .
accidents would go up . . .
never mind stress levels, blood pressure, anger . . .
we weren't meant to drive this way . . .
we weren't meant to live this way . . .
see, in driving, (to maintain my analogy), there's a thing called a yield . . .
it means give the people coming from the other direction the right of way . . .
it means letting them go first and then going . . .
to yield, you see, is another way to say "submit" . . .
if we are to live within the framework of society . . .
we need to live unselfishly . . .
how about putting others first . . .
instead of asking What Would Jesus Do? . . .
because that's difficult to answer . . .
i challenge us all to ask, "How will this affect the others around me?"
our actions should be representative of a love we have for our neighbors . . .
our fellow man (or woman . . . settle down already) . . .
4 August 2k2
my apologies to you all . . .
i have had like zero energy or motivation to do anything . . .
including writing . . .
i'm working on it . . .
hopefully, i will feel better in the morning . . .